Subway Bullshit

I've been going to Subway A LOT over these last few weeks to try and lose some weight.

I guess you could say I'm trying out the Jared diet. My coworker always calls me Jared because Subway is the only place I want to eat.

I now know the entire Jared story is BULLSHIT!! He didn't really eat there everyday, I know this because I only eat there like 3 times a week if that and I am so fucking sick of the food I could choke. Anyone that ate there everyday for 6 months would be insane. You can only do so much with meat and bread, after about 3 weeks you run out of ideas, then you just sort of stop caring what you eat. I now just tell them to surprise me, "you chose, it's all the same shit to me" is what I say when asked for my order.

The other thing that pisses me off about Subway is the people that think it's healthy no matter what. You always see the 350 pound man in line before you with a footlong meatball sandwich which has just as much fat as a Big Mac. (See Below) Then when the guy asks if he wants mayo the 350 pound dude says, "no, no, no mayo, I'm doing the Jared thing" Hello dumbass, you are going to throw down 1000 Cal/44 g of fat and you think mayo is going to make a damn bit of difference?

FOR 6" >Meat Ball marinara >(500 Cal/22 g fat/5 g fiber/52 g carbs) 11 > WW points

Big Mac >(580 Cal/33 g fat/3 g fiber/47 g carbs) 14 WW points

Now the next big thing is the toasted sub, this is the best idea Subway has come up with for a long time. The toasted sub solves two problems for Subway:

1. They are keeping up with competition and not letting Quizno's get anymore market share. Sort of like how Microsoft comes out with everything MAC has had for years. We are going to get XP 64bit edition, Sweet!! MAC has had 64bit since OSX first came out. Funny how marketing rules your life, outdated technology is forced on all of us just because Microsoft has a far better marketing plan than MAC or anyone else.

2. The main complaint about Subway is their bread is so stale and dried out on the ends, it seems like you are biting into a rock at the end of the sandwich. Now that you can get your sub toasted the dried out bread is consistent throughout the entire sandwich.

Great job subway!!! Keep up the great work.

Tyse

Ok, It's hot, I got it. Enough already.

My wife and I just moved to Phoenix about 2 weeks ago. We've been planning on moving here for over 1 year so it's nice to finally be here. I am just so sick of everyone telling me how hot it is. People who never lived in Phoenix will tell you how hot it is. This is a typical convo. between me and anyone from Utah:
Me: So I'm moving to Phoenix next month
Utahn: Serious?
Me: Yeah, I've been telling you for over a year now
Utahn: Man, good luck in the valley of fire, do you know how hot it is there?
Me: No, I don't know, but you must be an expert so tell me about it.
Utahn: Well 29 years ago when I was driving from somewhere to somewhere else we stopped in Phoenix and it was so damn hot, I could never live there.
Me: Well I will let you know how it goes.

So now that I am here, I am letting everyone know how it is:

IT's NOT THAT BAD!!!!

Lets take a look at the average temps in Phoenix vs Salt Lake City
here is the link to get all the info
http://www.worldclimate.com/cgi-bin/data.pl?ref=N33W112+1300+028112C

Phoenix has an average max temp. from a high of 102.4 and a low of 65.7 range = 36.7


Lets look at Utah:
http://www.worldclimate.com/cgi-bin/data.pl?ref=N40W111+1300+427598C

Utah has an average max temp. from a high of 92.1 and a low of 36.3 range = 55.8

So we can see that Utah's average temp is only 10 degrees cooler than Phoenix and Utah has a much higher range in temps.

There is a reason why you have 5 million people in Phoenix and less than 2 in SLC. I am just so sick of everyone telling me how hot it is here and how I am crazy for moving down here when they have never been here. I go from my a/c house to my a/c car to my a/c work. I am in the heat maybe 5 mins a day. Not a big deal. And it might be 109 here, but it's 95 in SLC. Tell me one reason why 95 is so much better than 109? You are still doing the same thing.....nothing. Both are way to hot to do anything outside. I just can't wait for everyone to come here in December when they are sick of the snow and need a nice place to stay. I will tell them, "you don't want to come here, it's too hot remember?"

T

Phoenix Drivers

I have a question for all the drivers in PHX.
How many car accidents do you have to see before you stop slowing down to 10 MPH to stare at them?
I just moved here from SLC and the traffic is very, very, bad.
Everyday there is at least 2 or 3 car wrecks on the freeways.
So you will be going along nicely on the freeway and then everything stops and goes slow for 5 miles. When you get up to the root of the problem there is 2 or 3 cars pulled off the side of the road and maybe a cop is there. Everyone in all 5 lanes needs to stop and watch. I understand this, I used to do it myself, but every single day there is a car wreck, how long is it going to take before people become desensitized to it? There is certain things in our society that are bad to become desensitized to, crime, sex, murder. But car wrecks should be everyone's number 1 priority to become desensitized to, I have done it, and I am proud to say I am no longer fascinated by a car wreck. I wonder what goes through these people's mind? "Wow, blue and red flashing lights those are amazing!", "Wow I wonder how much it's going to cost to fix that”, “A car wreck!! Honey slow down, slow down", "Oh my god, there is a car wreck up there, I haven't seen one of those since yesterday" I mean it's like a dog coming to eat his food, he has had the same meal for the last 7 years and he is still so happy and excited to eat it.
Everyone would just get home a lot faster if we didn't have to wait for everyone to look at the car wreck. If you think about it you should be ashamed of yourself for looking, you are getting pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain or misery, thinking to yourself, "man, I’m glad that isn't me" That is a messed up feeling, you should just concentrate on the road and get your ass home.

Britney and Kevin chaotic Crap!!!!

I'm so very sorry to admit that I watched this pile of shit show the other night with my wife. Usually my wife loves any type of reality show but she hated this show as well. It's really, really, lame. The show keeps moving back and forth between interviews with Britney and footage of their lame lives. Unlike the Jessica Simpson show where it's just footage from their lives the entire time. I am sure the reason for interviewing Britney instead of just showing footage is because the footage they do show you SUCKS!! It's not entertaining at all and Britney is so fucking stupid I can't even watch her. I was begging Meghan (My HOT ASS WIFE) to change the station, but she kept saying it would get better. By the end of the episode we just looked at each other and couldn't believe that show was on TV. Britney really isn't all that fine, when she doesn't have her picture air brushed to hell she looks like ass. And the southern twang ass voice drives me nuts.

I really don't have anything bad to say about the Kevin guy, I'm glad to see that a loser deadbeat dad backup dancer can get with Britney. It just shows how stupid Britney really is, Kevin is just loving life and in the show he keeps talking about love and asking if Britney is in love with him and all this other shit. But who wouldn't be trying to get a girl worth that much money to try and fall in love with you? I think Britney even bought herself the engagement ring, that is so funny. I think you are supposed to spend 3 months salary, Kevin was like, "Yo, Yo, Brit, I only gotz you this here ring, for 1,000 and that is 3 months salary for me dawg"

I hate Britney
I hate stupid TV shows
I hate that I watched that show, I feel like I need to shower now.
I hate stupid un-talented people from the south that become rich.

Tyse

New Techie Joke

When I first started working in the IT industry it took a long time to adjust my sense of humor to understand these people. For example, I was in a meeting and one of the programmers said some stupid comment that I don't remember right now. The entire room was on the floor laughing, except me. I was really confused and didn't understand what was so funny, I understood the comment, I understood the irony, but I didn't understand why it was so funny. Later in the meeting I remember making some funny comment, it was really funny and I remember being proud of myself for making it. I was laughing really hard because it was funny!! I then look up and 12 other people are staring at me like I am so stupid and that was the dumbest comment ever. Confused by all this I get back to my desk and call a few non-techie friends and explain the funny comment I made, they all thought it was very funny.

So now when I am in those meetings and someone makes a joke I laugh just as hard as the rest, my sense of humor has changed and now I am afraid that I have a techie sense of humor and have lost any hope at getting back to a normal sense of humor now that I've been in IT for 3 years.

Here is the perfect example of what I am talking about.
In SLC it's raining very hard today, so Roger comes over to my desk and says, "Tyse, I'm so glad I'm not a horse right now" Oh why is that Roger? "Because then my coat would get all wet"
Then Roger starts laughing so hard his body starts going into convolutions, then I start laughing as well and in the back of my mind I'm very upset with myself for thinking that was funny.

I will get a picture of Roger one day I hope. He is your total stereotypical programmer.

More techie jokes to come when I hear them.

Tyse

Rob/Bob

I forgot all about rob/bob but when I was thinking about crazy people at my work I could write about I thought of him.
He was laid off so I can write about him now and have no worries.

When I first started working here in November I met Bob, he was a really weird guy, but every Cobol programmer is really weird so I didn’t' think much of it. So Bob and I work together on a few projects and everything is going well. The holidays come and everyone is taking time off from work or they are only here for 2 hours a day. Since Bob and I were contractors we didn't get paid unless we were at work. AT WORK are the key words here; lets just say Bob and I have very low scores on Minesweeper.

The holidays come to a close and I find myself in a meeting with Bob, the host of the meeting calls on Bob for a response. Bob says, "I've made some changes in my life as part of the new year and I am going by Rob now, please call me Rob from now on" Everyone in the meeting totally thinks he is kidding because who would change their name at age 50 and Bob or Rob was a Cobol programmer and you never take a Cobol programmer serious. So half the people take him serious and the other half think he is kidding. This same ratio spreads throughout the entire office and before long you have 500 IT employees all calling Bob Rob or Rob Bob. He even put a piece of tape over the B on nameplate with an R until he got a new nametag for his cubical. The email system was screwed up too; rob/bob wouldn't show up to meetings because people were sending the meetings to his old account instead of the new account. He had the perfect excuse for not doing any work, every time anyone would ask if he got their email he would say, "Well what account did you send it to?....well that is the wrong account, it's Rob now" It was total office chaos and it didn't go away for at least a year, everyone would refer to him as RobBob. Here is a typical conversation between a manager and I:

Manager: Tyse
Me: Yes
Manager: Do you have that work order done?
Me: Yes, I gave it back to Rob last week.
Manager: Who is Rob?
Me: You know, RobBob
Manager: Oh yeah, RobBob, Who the hell changes their name when they are 50 anyway?

It was so damn funny.

Then RobBob gets in a major accident coming back from Wendover one weekend on his motorcycle. His girlfriend dies in the accident and everyone is feeling very bad for RobBob, the news spreads across the office and the managers send out an email letting everyone know, (They had to CC both of RobBob's email accounts) The managers start to distribute RobBob's work to the other programmers because he wasn't going to be back to work for at least a few weeks if at all.

The accident happened on a Saturday afternoon, the news got to the office on Monday. Well at about 9:00 Tuesday morning guess who shows up to work? RobBob, he has all sorts of bandages all over his body, he left hand is in a cast, he has crutches and is jacked up on pain pills, he looks like total shit. (His hand was in a cast, what the hell did he think he was going to get done? If your a programmer and your hand is immobile what work are you going to get done?) Everyone is freaking out, "what the hell are you doing here Bob!!...O...I mean Rob?" RobBob says, "I'm ok, just a few scratches" The guy only missed one day of work after having a major motorcycle accident on the freeway going 75 MPH and losing his girlfriend. After a few months I asked RobBob what he was thinking coming in after the accident, this was his reply:

"I'm a contractor, I don't get paid unless I come in"

You got to love working in IT

Tyse

80's Girl update

80's Girl is really staring to piss me off.
I've been trying to get an update on 80's girl's outfits however, it's been cold the last few days so she is wearing the same denim jacket with red and yellow letters embroidered on the back so I cannot see what her outfits look like.

Other IT characters I will be writing about in the future:
Pedophile Jim
Hop-a-long
rob/bob
Sharons
Espinomi
Kim clarke
lady elaine