Is anything worse than a graduation?

I guess it's graduation season, this has been the first year that I haven't had to attend or participate in a graduation of some sort. I am very happy for this, I think of all the obligated social activities graduations are the worst. Here is my list of hated, obligated, social activities. In order of hatred:

1. Graduations
2. Weddings
3. Funerals
4. Company Christmas Parties
5. Church Functions

There are several reasons why graduations suck so bad, first of all it's the one event that doesn't really do anything for anyone but the one that is graduating. At weddings and funerals at least you know you're going to get some food out of the whole deal. It might only be a sacrament cup full of peanuts and mints with some slush to wash it down but at least it's something. Graduations you sit on your ass for 3 hours, give the graduate a gift or $ and walk out just happy it's over.

The Bagpipes at the Westminster Graduation.


What is with Bagpipes? 5 cent bubble gum and Bagpipes bring about 20 seconds of enjoyment to my life. However, one small difference is with the gum I feel like spitting it out after 20 seconds and with the bagpipes I feel like taking my own life after 20 seconds.

This is a breakdown of my thoughts during the bagpipe session:
1 sec - 3 sec = Oh cool bagpipes
3 sec - 5 sec = I love bagpipes, they are Irish or Scottish, wait are they Irish or Scottish? Am I Scottish or Irish? I can't remember.....
5 sec - 10sec = I bet those are hard to play
10sec - 14 sec = If I played the bagpipes I wouldn't wear anything under my kilt.
14sec - 16 sec = Okay, those are getting kinda loud are they gonna play those bagpipes the entire time it takes those people to walk off the stage?

16sec- 17sec = Oh shit, they are going to play those the entire time, I remember from the last graduation.
17sec - 18sec = Enough already with the damn bag pipes!! Do you have a different song or a different tune? Why is it the same damn tune over and over and over, this is driving me crazy. I need to get out of here, where is the exit or a knife?
18sec - 20sec = God I hate bagpipes, who invented these stupid things? The Irish? Am I Irish? Hey, Mom, Am I Irish?.....I am, oh great, I hate my own people now.

Graduations are like Space Mountain at Disney Land on the busiest day of the year. You wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. Then the person goes across the stage and their name is read, and you yell and scream along with everyone else you're with, they take their picture shaking somebodies hand they have never met. The whole thing takes like 10 seconds just like Space Mountain, but unlike Space Mtn. once the event is over you get rewarded with MORE WAITING.

When I open U of T (University of Tyse) we will do graduations a little different, first of all, no bagpipes. Second, when you (The Graduate) show up at the graduation event you will be given a number and a free Popsicle, because I like Popsicles and it's usually hot during graduation season, you then give this number to your friends and family. When we get within 10 or 20 of your number your guests can come in, watch you for 10 seconds, and then go back out and wait for your ass in the lobby where fresh beer (Not Coors Light) and pizza will be served.


Tyse