Bad Haircut!!

I really don't like getting my haircut. I can do without the fake chit chat and stupid questions that get asked just so I will tip, here is an example of typical stylist questions:

• So what do you do?
  
• Really?
• Do you like that?
  
• So how long have you lived in AZ?
  
• Do you like it so far?
• What does your wife do?
  
• Really?
  
• Does she like that?
  
• Oh, you're going to school, do you like it?
  
• When will you be done?
  
• Really?
  
• So what are you going to do after school?
  
• Really?
  
• That sounds cool!
  

Shut up!! Just cut my hair, I don't care what you do, you don't care what I do. Just shut up and I will give you a stupid tip because I will feel too guilty not to.

Now you can see my general attitude when it comes to getting my haircut. Which contributes to this last haircut which, was by far, the worst hair cut of my life, worst haircut ever! Let me try to reconstruct the experience without getting too pissed off.

The experience was doomed from the start because the usual person that cuts my hair was booked up and I needed it done before Thanksgiving. I decided to save a few bucks and get my haircut at Wal-Mart. Now I know what you're thinking, what do you expect when you go to Wal-Mart for a haircut? I couldn't agree more, however this experience goes above and beyond the typical low expectations @ Wal-Mart.

After putting my name on the list and coming back after 1.5 hours I was finally next in line and waiting for the haircut lady to call my name. Instead she looks at the list, looks up at me and says, "you Tyson?" to which I reply, "yes" then she taps the back of her chair with her comb. I assume this was my signal that I am 12 and need to jump up in my high chair.

I sit down and notice that my feet are in a sea of hair, there is so much hair on the floor I couldn't tell what color the floor was. She says to me, "what are we doing today?","just cut it short on the sides and blend it up." She looks at me like I am a total idiot and says, "What number?" I assume she is talking about the trimmer so I say, "two". She throws on the #2 guard and starts hacking the shit out of my hair. She cuts the side and the top of my head on a #2 so I look like I have a freaking Mohawk and I am going into the military. I made another famous diagram so you will understand what I am saying:

So at this point I notice that she has just hacked all my hair off and I am in a state on confusion. I start taking a long look at this girl to see if she is retarded, deaf, or what? I then notice several sores on her hands and face. I also notice it looks like she hasn't taken a shower in about 3 weeks. Her fingers and nails are dirty and dingy and she is cutting my hair like she is in first place at the Daytona 500. I come to the conclusion that this chick is 100% for sure a tweaker!

Now, I am not sure if everyone has played the Worst Case Scenario Survival Board Game, if not here is a link. They need to add one more scenario that spells out exactly what you need to do when you find yourself sitting in a mountain of dead human hair within your local Wal-Mart and a tweaker is hacking the living shit out of your hair @ 500 miles an hour. What do you do?

A. Stop the tweaker and walk out with half your hair cut off and try to find another salon open on a Sunday at 7:00 PM to finish the job.
B. Call the tweaker out and tell her you know she is on meth and watch as she carves a nice F. U. in the back of your hair.
C. Wait until she is done cutting your hair, which is only 30 seconds when you're on meth, stand up and ask if she thinks it's a good idea to tweak out while cutting hair?

Now I am sure most people will never be in this position but I think it will be worth your time to think through the situation before you find yourself in it. I really don't think people understand how much power the hairstylist has over you while you sit helpless in their chair.

I went with option C after a lot of thought and consideration of the worst case scenario. She looked at me and said, "I don't know what you're talking about" I then told her I was going to call her manager in the morning and walked out.

The next day:
me - Hello, is the manager available?
manager - Yes, I am the manager
me - I was in yesterday getting my haircut by ****** (aka tweaker) and she screwed it up.
manager - Yes, I remember, I was here actually, you didn't pay right?
me - No, of course not
manger - Well that is good.
me - Have you noticed anything funny about ******
manager - Well what do you mean?
me - Oh, I don't know, like maybe she is a total tweaker?
manager - Oh yeah, I did notice, but I guess we like to think that what people do outside the job is their own business.
me - Are you serious? Do you think she just does meth on the weekends or something? Did you not see how fast she was hacking the shit out of my hair?
manager - Well we really haven't had any complaints up until now, but it's only me and her, and if I had anyone else I would take care of the situation but my hands are tied.
me - Well you're the manager and if you think it's ok to have a meth addict working at a salon touching people with the same hands she hits the pipe with then that is your deal.
manager - Well if you want to come back in a few weeks after your hair grows out I will fix it for free.
me - Well it's going to take a lot longer than a few weeks for my Mohawk to grow out but, no thanks, I will never be back in your salon again
manager - Well I am sorry to hear that
me - Have a nice day
manager - goodbye
me - bye

There is several things that are sick and wrong with this whole thing and I could go on and on about it all day but I really think it's funny that the manager was concerned that I didn't pay. Why do they think it makes up for it if I don't pay? I compare it to somebody kicking you in the balls and then having a manager come over and say, "did you pay for that?" while I am laying on the ground moaning, "no","oh, well that is good"

Tyse