Wednesday, March 19, 2008

James Spader, Man Crush?

Every guy has one person or actor from their childhood who is their idol. This person usually takes on one of two different forms. A. The strong hero type, e.g. Rocky, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal or B. The super cool guy, e.g. Fonzy, Johnny Depp, George Clooney. Well none of the above examples are my childhood idol if that is what you're wondering, my childhood idol is, James Spader! Now I know what you're thinking, "James Spader, what the hell? That dude is not cool like Owen Wilson" Calm down and let me explain, when I say James Spader I am not talking about this lame ass:

I don't even know what the character's name is that James Spader plays here and I do not want to know, I do not remember James Spader like that.

I remember James Spader like this:
Yes, this is my childhood idol and ultimate bad ass Steff!

Please forgive the fact that in this picture it looks like Steff just sacrificed two small animals and is about to give Ted Bundy a run for his money but what do you expect with screen captures from YouTube?, it's the best I could do. Now, if you're thinking, "Isn't that the guy from Pretty in Pink?" you're correct. However it does not matter if you think Pretty in Pink was a good show or not, you cannot deny that Steff is one bad ass mother fucker.

I am an analytical person, and I have been very analytical on this blog so let me use my skills to help explain further for all you people out there that cannot immediately see where I am coming from.
Lets look at Exhibit A:
1. How many people can wear sunglasses like that and still be that kick ass?
2. How long is that freakin` cigarette? Is it a Virginia Slim 230? Which just proves my point even further, he can smoke women's cigarettes and still be a total bad ass.
3. He is in high school with a sport coat on, what else do you want?
4. There really is not a name for this hairstyle, it's not a mullet, it's not really long, it's not really short. The name I prefer is Awesome! I remember one time, when I was younger and had more hair, I went to the salon and they asked me how I wanted my haircut? I replied, "Just cut it so it looks Awesome" 30 mins later I was walked out with my hair cut just like Steff's.

Exhibit B: The Name "Steff"

While trying to find pics of Steff online I looked on IMDB and other sites and the correct spelling is with two ff's. Now without seeing the character and just going strictly off the name it may seem a little gay, like maybe a girls name. But put the name to a face and all of a sudden you have a very bad ass name. I am not going to get into how all the names are jacked up in Pretty in Pink like, Steff, Duckie, Blaine, and Andie. But seriously, in my high school, show up with a name like Steff and you're going to get your ass kicked unless you're wearing a suit, have perfect hair, and smoke Misty's.

Exhibit C: The leisure Suit
This scene is by far my favorite from the entire movie. Once again Steff is smoking a pencil long cigarette and wearing a full on suit in high school. How does he get away with smoking in high school? Because he is Steff, that's why, what are you going to do? He has a freakin suit on!

Exhibit D: Only a few puffs for Steff

When you're this cool and this rich you only need a few puffs from a cigarette before it's time to put it out. And when you put it out do you use an ash tray? Hell No, you're in high school there are no ash trays, besides you're Steff, and you have a freaking SUIT ON. You just step on it. Don't even ask how he gets away with this, he is Steff, what do you expect?

Exhibit E: Shoulder Pads
Surprise!! Shoulder pads...Yes, I know you can't believe it, how did he pull it off? I just found out last night when I was getting these screen shots from You Tube. Here is what went through my mind, "Holy shit.....are those really shoulder pads? (pause for a few moments for it to set in) well it makes sense, if anyone could pull it off it would be Steff, you just never stop exceeding my expectations Steff, love ya buddy"

Exhibit F: Loafers and NO SOCKS!!!

Yes I did save the best for last, now if you're a fan of Pretty in Pink I bet you know what is going to happen next in this scene but for those who don't, Steff is about to get into a little tiff with Duckie. I wish I could transport myself into the movie so I could give Duckie a bit of advice before he tackles Steff. I think this is how the convo would go:

Duckie: That son of a bitch, talking like that about Andie
Me: Dude, Duckie, chill you don't want to mess with Steff, he is way cooler than you.
Duckie: I don't care man, I am going to kick his ass
Me: Duckie, come on, pull your head out of your ass, he is wearing a freaking SUIT, in high school.
Duckie: Andie doesn't deserve this
Me: Have you seen how long his cigarettes are? He doesn't' even finish them, he just puts them out on the floor and nobody cares.
Duckie: Really?
Me: Yeah, and have you seen his sunglasses?
Duckie: I don't care man, this is my chance I am going to tackle him.....
Me: Dude, wait, Just wait one second, I didn't want to tell you this but he is wearing loafers and no socks, NO SOCKS MAN! What are you going to do? You can't compete with that, loafers and no socks, what else do you want?
Duckie: Oh yeah, you're right, he is too cool for me.

I would like to think our convo would have avoided this:

I know this is a total shit pic but if you look close you can see toward the top middle of the pic Steff with loafers and no SOCKS!!

Even after he gets taken to the ground Steff gets back up and is still totally cool:

"Are you serious? Did you really just tackle me? What part of Suit and loafers with no socks did you not see? Do I have to show you my cigarettes? This is ridiculous!"

This pic is either right before or right after he spits on the floor right in front of the principal. He just spits on the floor in front of the principal, I mean what is the principal going to do? It's Steff, he just got through putting out a Virginia Slim not even 20 feet away, did I forget to mention he has a fucking suit on! In high school!

Hopefully now you can see why Steff is the coolest guy ever! And if not, just set this bad boy profile pic to your desktop wallpaper and it will come to you, I promise.



Blogger *~*Jocelynne*~* said...

OMG! I love it! Love it! You crack me up!

7:43 PM  
Blogger Michelle McGee said...

Oh... you are totally missing out by dissing the James Spader in the first photo... check him out... he's on tonight, and he's the same old Spader you know and love!

5:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

3:34 PM  

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