Hey Peter you're not actually on the team!

Is it just me or is every person named Pete or Peter a loud mouth? I have worked with 3 guys named Peter and every one of them is loud as hell. The last Pete I worked with talked so loud on the phone you could hear everything he said, fights with his wife, how his vacation was, and the status of his fantasy football team.(if you know anyone that plays fantasy football, you know it's not a fantasy to them, this shit is real) All topics I could care less about.

To make matters worse they are always in management. So loud mouth phone Pete goes off all day on the phone about his stupid vacation or fantasy football. I used to sit in the cube right next to him so of course I get to hear every word over/through the wall. Then you have 8 ass kissers that work for Pete walking over throughout the day asking about his vacation. So I get to hear about Pete's vacation 10 times a day for an entire week. Then every Monday I get to hear about his stupid fantasy football team, how they did and whatever rank he is in now that his awesome QB scored so many points or whatever. If I ever needed to ask Pete a question I walked around the wall and asked him, after answering he would usually say, “Did you hear about my fantasy football team?” Since I didn’t want to limit my career, because Pete was management, I would usually say, “No” and then I would listen to the same spiel for the 20th time that day. I seriously could finish his sentences but I would have to act shocked and surprised when I heard the highlights of his stories. I usually walked back to my desk feeling like a total tool after a conversation with Pete.

When I left that company I was so happy that I didn't have to hear loud mouth Pete anymore. Well now I work with a new guy named Peter, he is in management, loves every sport there is to love, and is loud as hell! The first few months weren't bad because he never came around my cube but now he has found a new friend that sits right next to me. Every morning while I am trying to drink my coffee and wake up I get to hear topics like this at 80 decibels, "A-rod crushed the ball and won the game for us.", "Wakefield sucks and can't pitch against us", "We killed them, I think we have a shot at going all the way this year." I don't understand why they always refer to "we" or "us" when talking about teams that are located halfway across the country. I think it's a sad false reality they have created for themselves, I bet they still throw paper in the trash can from 15 feet away and say shit like, "Pete for 2!......it's good!!" But before I make assumptions I better find out if they actually play on these teams.

I talked to Peter and verified that he doesn't play for a professional sports team. Dang! I really wanted his autograph. I then asked if he used to play for a college team, you can never get a straight yes or no answer with that question. You will usually get some lame excuse like they got married or they didn't want to play college ball or some stupid ass reason why they were a superstar but things just didn't work out. It's always the guys that suck the most that are die hard sports fans. It's like they want to be good at sports so bad so they think if they know a lot and talk a lot about sports then people will think they're good.

I just want them to shut up about it, just watch the game and shut up. Blog about it, email about it. Play basketball by yourself in the driveway, whatever. Just don't come over here and stand by my cube for 30 mins at 7:30 in the morning and start yapping about some random shit nobody cares about. The guy he is talks to doesn't even care, this is how the typical conversation will go:
Loud mouth Pete: Did you see the game last night?
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: What game?
Loud mouth Pete: The Yankee game
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: no
Loud mouth Pete: Dude we kicked ass
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: oh cool
Loud mouth Pete: A-rod and Johnson (insert random sports crap here)
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: oh cool
Loud mouth Pete: Then (some Yankee player) hit a home run!
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: oh cool
Loud mouth Pete: Yeah, it was a good game but we killed them.
Guy that can't tell Pete to shut up: cool

After Pete sort of gets the hint that the other guy really doesn't care you will hear this, "Hey Mike, did you catch the game last night" as he is running over to him.

If your name is Pete or Peter and your in management and a crazy sports fan. I just have a few words for you.....SHUT UP!!!

Tyse

Drama is a girl thing!!

I am very excited for this weekend, I am going on a golf trip to Utah with 20 people. This will be our 5th consecutive year. I know organizing a golf trip with 20 people sounds like quite a task and most people would never even think about trying to set something like this up. There is a lot to plan and take care of: Tee times, collecting the money, condo reservations, restaurant reservations, non-golf activities, sleeping arrangements, golf pairings, communicating updates, and transportation.

I have been doing this for 5 years now, and everything has come together perfectly. We don't have any fights about money or where we are going to eat. Everything just clicks and we have a great time. I know you must be thinking, "how can 20 people spend a weekend together and not have any drama?". Let me give you the answer, NO WOMEN!!

When you're on a trip with 20 guys you will never hear this conversation:
George : Hey Ralph, I paid for your range balls so you owe me five dollars.
Ralph : Well I gave you ten dollars for gas money so can't you just take it out of that?
George : Well if you're driving back with me then I am going to need that gas money.
Ralph : I am going to ride back with Jeremy in his Civic which gets really good gas mileage so he won't over charge me for gas like some people.
George : I don't think he will have room for you and your fat ass in his Civic.
Ralph : I can't believe you just said that to me, we are no longer friends.
George : That is fine, just give me my five dollars!
Ralph : I will once we get back to the condo, I don't have any cash right now.
George : FINE!
Ralph : FINE!
George (whisper, walking away) : bitch
Ralph : (whisper, walking away) : slut

This is how the conversation would actually go:
George : Ralph, I got your range balls so don't worry about them.
Ralph : Cool thanks man, how much do I owe you?
George : Five bucks.
Ralph : Is it cool if I pay you once we get back to the condo?
George : Sure man
Ralph : Thanks

Tyse

It's not a real wall!

I am so sick of the people that work around me. Why don't they understand everyone can hear everything they are saying. These people remind me of mice in a maze, except the mice would have a larger brain. If they had a full size brain they would realize there are 15 people working within 30 square feet and not talk so loud. If you removed their four little walls I am sure they would freak out and protest or something.

I am just asking they keep their voices down and have some respect for the other 15 people that have to work around them. I can hear everything!!! Phone conversations, fights, arguments, jokes. I can't tune them out, it's like a voice in my head that won't shut up.

The worst part is when one of the mice hears a new joke, and the joke isn't funny at all. They will tell the person sitting next to them and then the next person until they have told the joke 9 times and everyone has already heard the joke but they don't want to admit they overheard the joke before. When they come to my desk I just put on my headphones and turn my back. What is wrong with these people!!!

I also hate it when they talk about you in the next cube and just expect you can't hear them. Here is a typical conversation, "Yeah, good point, we are going to need someone to head up that metric project, I'll check with Tyson and see if he can work on it".
Then about 7 mins later I hear this:
Boss : Hey Tyson what are you up to?
Me: Nothing, just working
Boss : So how was your weekend? How is school? (insert any other bull shit small talk question you boss would ask here)
Me : Fine
Boss : Well I was just thinking last night on my way home from work we have that metric project coming up. I was thinking since you seem to have the best grasp on metrics you would be the perfect one to head that up. What do you think?
Me : I think you're full of shit (ok I didn't say that)
Me really : Ok, that sounds fine. Just let me know when I need to start working on it.
Boss : Great, how about those Suns!!
Me (under my breath) : fag

Do those tiny little walls really make these people feel like they have privacy?

The only thing worse than someone who thinks they have all the privacy in the world within their cubicle is someone who thinks their cubicle is an office. I hate these people!! They always think they are way more important than they are. If you walk into their cube and they are on the phone, this is the response you will hear, "Oh man, can I call you back? Someone just walked into my office" Ok, first of all, I am not just someone, I am Tyson you bitch! Second, you're nobody, and you don't work in an office. These 4 tiny little half walls don't make up an office, they make up a shitty, pile of ass, cube that protects people from realizing how stupid and insignificant they are.

Everyone, please just shut up!!

Tyse