First Day Back In The O-Face

WOW!!! I took a lot of time off. I don't really know why, I guess it's because I used to work from home 5 days a week and nothing that interesting or funny happens to you when you work from home.

So today is my first day back in the office a few days a week and I already am getting some good blog ideas. My notepad is filling up so stay tuned and I might have some more posts and I might not, it just depends on how I feel and how things come across after I type them. You would be surprised at how many unfinished blog posts I have that seemed real good in my mind then I wrote them out and after reading them over they just suck!!!

Frustrating thing happened here on my first day, I had to call the help desk because my Outlook was all jacked up and I didn't want to take the time to fix it. See when you have a help desk available to you it's great. You just tell them to take control of your computer and fix the problem while you head out to lunch.

So I called the help desk and gave them all my info, the agent tells me he cannot find me in the system, let me give you some background. I work for a consulting company that contracts with a very large financial company. My contract expired last month but was extended for six more months. Well I guess somebody didn't give somebody else the memo or email so I was purged from the HR system. So this help desk agent could not VERIFY that I was an actual contractor. I kept telling him I just needed Outlook fixed, this is how the convo went:

Me: I just need you to fix Outlook, it should only take 5 mins
Agent: Sir, I cannot help you or continue to talk to you on the phone until I have validated your status
Me: I don't know why I am not in the system, I will email my boss and have her fix it, but I just need you to fix Outlook so I can email my boss to correct the issue.
Agent: What is your employee id
Me: I don't have an employee id because I AM A CONTRACTOR for the fifth time!!
Agent: Sir, hold on
Me: holding, singing songs, counting to 10, looking up football scores
Agent: Ok, Sir, thanks for holding, we cannot find you in the contractor database you will need to have your supervisor fix this before we can help you.
Me: My supervisor is very busy and really only responds to email, I cannot email her because my Outlook is all jacked up and you will not fix it for me.
Agent: Listen sir, I am sure you are a authorized user of the system, but I have to make sure before I can help you.
Me: Well why don't you help me, then after you fix my Outlook we can both stay on the phone and call my supervisor or email her or whatever you want to do but I cannot do my job without Outlook.
Agent: Sir, how do I know you're not a computer hacker trying to gain access to the system?
Me: Are you freaking serious? Ok, I admit it, you caught me, I woke up this morning and created a fake id badge on my home made badge making machine, then I drove into the office and hypnotized the security guards to let me into the first set of glass doors. Then I beat up a small man and took his laptop and badge, made my way to the 10th floor and kicked open the elevator doors that will not let you off unless your badge has access for that floor. Then I used a diamond cutter to cut a perfectly round hole through the second set of glass doors just big enough for my body to fit through. Then I found an empty desk and plugged in the laptop I stole from the small man. I bypassed his encryped hard drive, cracked the system admin password, then used a network back door to gain access to a rogue server. I then created an SSH tunnel to the financial systems and I am now downloading millions of dollars into my bank account and while I was waiting for the download I tried to send an email to my MySpace friend when I realized the Outlook program is messed up on this laptop and since my superior hacking skills do not apply to Outlook I called you.

I then hung up the phone and left a voice mail for my boss to call me back.

Sometimes I really hate large corporate BS

Tyse